On The Planet I Come From...
There are Two Moons
On the planet I come from, there are two moons. One is huge... we call it The Pizza Pie Moon.
Whenever it is full we either go to the Pizza Parlor for dinner or order pizza online.
As a former pizza pie delivery guy I strongly recommend ordering pizza online and then going to pick it up yourself rather than having it delivered.
You would be aghast at what a freshly cooked pizza experiences on its way from the pizza oven to your door.
A fabulous device called a “pizza saver” was patented by Carmela Vitale on February 13, 1985. It certainly has saved a lot of pizzas from getting "smooshed" while the were out for delivery when the Moon is a Pizza Pie.
Before the “pizza saver” was invented, I can remember delivering pizzas that were at the bottom of a 10 pizza stack in the pizza hot box that had turned into a cardboard sandwich with some pizza sludge filling.
When delivering such a woebegone pizza I would hurry away quickly before they tried to open the pizza box because I really didn't want to see the disappointed or angry looks on their hungry faces...
Zoom zoom... Gotta Go! At my back I always hear time's wingèd chariot hurrying near - time waits for no man... particularly a pizza man.
The other moon on the planet I come from is a small thoughtful moon that is possessed by the Spirit of Ingrid Bergman.
The Ingrid Moon whispers to the women on our planet while they are sleeping... particularly if they are having “man” troubles.
Which, unfortunately, happens often. Just like on earth.
Typical examples of the wisdom she provides to the many women who listen to her intimate advice while visiting dreamland:
1: Do not trust any man who thinks sushi sold at a gas-station is safe to eat or who thinks watching Monday Night Football was one of the 10 Commandments Moses brought down from Mount Sinai.
2: Assiduously avoid avoid any man who thinks it is safe to climb up on a ladder with a chain saw to cut off a tree branch after drinking a six-pack of Heineken.
Sage advice. Ingrid Moon is very wise wouldn't you say?
As a Spirit, of course, Ingrid provides Spiritual Guidance.
Ingrid Moon is not a big fan of any religion which denigrates women.
If she were on Planet Earth (Terra Mater) she would be going absolutely ape-shit about how the Taliban are treating women in Afghanistan.
Ingrid Moon does very much likes the idea of “Mother Earth” that we have here on Planet Earth.
I am not a close personal friend of Ingrid Moon... I don't think any man is.
But I occasionally seek her out when I need help growing food plants like Roma Tomatoes or Rutabagas.
Last Spring when I talked to her about my gardening plans I tried to ingratiate myself by telling her about that TV ad shown here on earth where Mother Nature is fooled into thinking Chiffon Margarine is Real Butter.
Ingrid Moon laughed and laughed when I told her the great punch line of the ad:
“It's not nice to fool Mother Nature” accompanied by thunder and lightning and lots of wind.
Yes, I can make Ingrid Moon laugh, and not just a little, a lot.
Which counts for something, doesn't it?
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